Most men, especially abusive ones, could benefit from learning to contain their anger more instead of automatically striking back, and could use the rather female ability to empathise with others and seek diplomatic resolutions to problems. While neither sex is wrong in the way they deal with their anger, each could benefit from observing how the other sex copes with their anger. Giving in, taking the blame, and losing herself more in the relationship seem to be a small price to pay for the acceptance and love of her partner.Īs you can see, both extremes anger in and anger out-create potential problems. This appearance of independence often adds to a woman's fear of rejection, causing her to want to reach out to achieve comfort and reconciliation. Men often defend themselves against hurt by putting up a wall of nonchalant indifference. This, in turn, causes them to become more dependent and less willing to risk rejection or abandonment if they were to stand up for themselves by asserting their will, their opinions, or their needs. “Because women tend to turn their anger inward and blame themselves, they tend to become depressed and their self-esteem is lowered. Our self-lies can’t erase his lies, and as we’ll see, the longer we try to pretend they can, the more we deepen the hurt.” But we can only keep the truth at bay for so long. Self-lies are false friends we look to for comfort and protection-and for a short time they may make us feel better. We repeat them like a mantra and cling to them like security blankets, hoping to calm ourselves and regain our sense that the world works the way we believe it ought to. They feel comfortable, familiar, and true. The lies we tell ourselves to keep from seeing the truth about our lovers don’t feel like lies. Nothing can change until you hold him responsible and accountable for lying and stop blaming yourself. If there are sexual problems between you, there are many resources available to help you. It does mean that if he doesn’t like certain things about you, he has many ways to address them besides lying. That doesn’t mean you’re an angel and he’s the devil. Lying is his choice and his problem, and if he makes that choice with you, he will make it with any other woman he’s with. His lying is not contigent on who you are or what you do.
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